Hope-filled dawn has come for the “Golden” franchise, which is now part of the Bachelor Nation Circle of Life.
First there was Gerry Turner’s senior edition, “The Golden Bachelor,” which glowed with true-love optimism last year, before his TV marriage to Theresa Nist crashed into divorce after 100 days. Now, Joan Vassos, 61, the beautiful grandmother of three, has stepped up for the equally historic “The Golden Bachelorette,” with 24 suitors and the renewed promise of TV true love.
Joan is shown bathed in golden light in the opening shots of Wednesday’s ABC premiere in a shimmering champagne gown. She’s magnificent in a new beginning. Joan doesn’t want to talk “redemption” season, or pressure from last season’s ending travails. The widow, who lost her husband of 32 years to cancer in 2021, just wants love again.
“Let this journey begin,” Joan says in her SUV en route to the opening night Bachelor Mansion greet-a-thon. “Bring on the men!”
Here’s who really popped coming out of the limousines at the Bachelor Mansion:
“Golden Bachelorette” spoilers ahead! So stop reading now if you haven’t seen Joan’s latest journey, now streaming on Hulu.
Joan’s first meetings are with an officer and a gentleman
The first two men out of limos are, in this order, a refined Paris-born salon owner from Chicago named Pascal, 69, and a fully uniformed retired Navy captain from Seattle named Kim, 69. Power opening.
Pascal is so smooth that there is even the half-joking suggestion among the other Golden Bachelor fellas that he’s faking his French accent to disguise a plain Chicago accent. (It would be scandalous and fantastic if there actually were a “Golden” fake French accent deception). Of course, Pascal defuses this absurdité with the perfect laugh before swooping in on Joan for the first one-on-one time, proving his City of Love credentials with, “Let me take you away.”
The rest of the guys just bow down to this audacity. Moments later, champagne-toting Pascal waxes on about sweeping Joan away to France. Très bien. Of course, Pascal gets a rose, and so does Kim.
True Southside Chicagoan Jack is doing things his way
Jack, 68, a caterer from Chicago, is proving himself to be this season’s Most Interesting Man in the World, beard and all. Wearing a bold pink jacket, he croaks “My Way” upon meeting Joan. Every line Jack says with his South Chicago accent becomes an instant classic, starting with his announcement entering the house, “Did somebody say bourbon?” Yet, no one accuses him of being a Frenchman faking a South Chicago accent.
Jack turns on the serious awe when he whips up a beef tenderloin gourmet meal for Joan and the rest of the crew. Joan gives Jack the last rose of the night in a manufactured suspenseful move. Even the guys want Jack to stick around.
Gary could be simply the best for ‘The Golden Bachelorette’
Showing absolutely no nerves whatsoever, Gary, 65, strolls up to Joan and starts twirling her in joyous dance moves, telling her, “I’m that guy, Joan.” Whether “that guy” means instant TV star or Joan’s partner or both is yet to be determined. But it’s an electric start before Gary shows true emotion, crying over his family’s video salutations played for the group. Gary gets his rose even before mentioning he’s the godson of the legendary Tina Turner. He could be simply the best.
Mark Anderson doesn’t need this much ‘Golden Bachelor’ help
Dear “Golden Bachelorette” producers: Mark Anderson doesn’t need your help. The “Hot Dad” internet star gets the privilege of the coveted last limo arrival for Joan, a scene already released on social media. And Mark’s famous daughter, “Bachelor” star Kelsey Anderson leaps out to personally make the Joan introduction.
Mark, 57, would be a front-runner without the support of the Bachelor Nation Deep State. He’s sincere, he’s studly, he’s a star, he’s perfectly bemused about this “thirst trap” term being thrown at him.
“He’s cute,” Joan gal-whispers to the ever-lurking Kelsey after dad exits. “Just call me Mom.” Too soon, Joan! Everyone stop staring at “Hot Dad” and look around. We have weeks to go.
Mark gets a rose and confesses to camera that being with Joan is like “putting on a warm pair of sweats right out of the drier.” Hmm, let’s workshop that, Mark.
Jonathan and Dan are both intriguing mysteries
Jonathan, 64, from Oakland, Iowa meets Joan wearing a golden sleeping mask. Great touch, especially with his male model looks. Later, Jonathan recites Joan a memorized poem. Killer stuff. He receives an early Joan rose.
With his rumpled, still-blond hair and quirky Columbo-esque demeanor, private investigator Dan, 64, is a paper cup of coffee away from his own CBS primetime series. He’s fun to watch and sincere even with his near-disaster misplay, smoking a pickleball shot past Joan’s face. She ducks. Dan still gets his rose.
‘Girl Dad’ Keith is packed and ready to take Joan in his station wagon
Self-titled “Girl Dad” of three, Keith, 62, made an instant mark pulling up in a “sweet ride” − a worn station wagon, suitcases strapped to the stop. Then the 6-foot-5 teddy bear scores again, playing cornhole with Joan, a game she loves. “I can see him with my friends, hanging out,” she says.
Joan gives Keith the valuable First Impression rose and the first (chaste) kiss on the lips. “I am stoked,” he says later.
Six men did not get roses! Who left ‘Golden Bachelorette’?
Joan did not relish giving out the roses. She even quits after like 10 and abruptly runs out out of the room. Host Jesse Palmer was probably scrolling TikTok in the control room and was like, “What?? GB is moving.” He appears and smoothly reassures Joan back into the room. No tears, but she gives stoic goodbyes to:
- Bill, 68, a retired videographer from Portland, Oregon.
- Pablo, 63, a retired United Nations agency director from Cambridge, Maryland.
- Ken, 60, a property management treasurer from Peabody, Massachusetts.
- RJ, 66, a financial adviser from Irvine, California.
- David, 68, a rancher from Austin, Texas.
- Thomas, 62, a fire department chief from New York City.
How did ‘Golden Bachelor’ Gerry Turner end up in the previews?
Whoa, did that upcoming season preview show a lot. A “Full Monty” strip show, a private jet, lots of kisses. Umm, Joan saying, “I love you, Mark” and kissing the “Hot Dad.” But the clincher is “Golden Bachelor” Gerry Turner emerging from a limo – tan, rested and somehow ready to give love advice.
“Have you considered the possibility that your guy is not here?” Turner asks Joan in the preview. This is going to be a wild ride.
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